Percy Cado

I have never created anything- I have no children, I live in a house someone else built, even the dogs just showed up one day and started eating my food.

Everything I have, own, or use was made by someone else.

I tried to make a chair one time- actually it started out as a desk, then became a table, then started to look like a book case.

After a while I realized it would be none of those, so I turned it into a chair, which then became a foot stool. Then a three legged foot stool, but it wobbled so much I then turned it into firewood.

So, I guess, the only thing I ever made was firewood. It burned real good so I guess I do know how to make firewood.

But that’s not as satisfying as it sounds.

As all who know me agree, I should not make children, so I decided to make something as satisfying, yet not as difficult, time consuming, or needing as much dedication and responsibility.

I decided to make life- plant life that is.

I started by planting some raspberry bushes (and why razzberry is spelled with an “s” and a “p” I will never know). They, unfortunately, are no longer with us (reason # 75 why I should never have children).

I then tried my hand at a peach tree, or as he is now affectionately known “Scrawny Stick in the Front Yard”.

Then, while eating guacamole, I thought “why throw away the seed when I could kill another life form?”

So I placed an avocado seed in a Jack Daniels shot glass in my kitchen window and the miracle of life began.

Avocados are a fruit, not a vegetable- something all of us should know.

I call him Percy- and if you have ever tasted an avocado or listened to Percy Faith’s Theme for Young Lovers you won’t ask why.

Pure heaven- the both of them.

Over the past few weeks I have watched in wonder as Percy has gone from seed (garbage) to seed in a shot glass, to garbage in a shot glass covered with some kind of green slime with white spots, to seed with roots sticking out of its butt.

He then became too big for the shot glass, and was moved to a small planter near my dining room window.

I am so proud- he’s growing each day, becoming the avocado tree we all know he can be.

He will soon be old enough to leave home, go to the front yard and flourish in the sunshine and fresh air like all young seeds yearn to do.

I look forward to the time he moves out on his own so I can rip his offspring from his limbs, run them through a food processor and eat them with beer and tortilla chips.

If that doesn’t work I can always chop Percy down and use him for firewood.