The little old man that lives down the hall

Confession time: at the risk of having DES come knocking on my door, I’m pretty sure I am endangering my son.

Not in the physical sense, he’s well provided for, reasonably healthy, has shoes, that kind of thing, but I think I might be slowly robbing him of his childhood.

My son’s just shy of three, but when I watch him going about his day, it’s a lot like watching a tiny old man move around the house.

When he was born, I was well into my 40’s and his mom was…um,…younger than me.

He’s our only child and other than my wife and me, his best friend is his grandmother who’s...well…older than me.

The other day I heard someone say that parents are like wet paint- as kids spend time with their parents, a little parent rubs off on them.

So his turning into an old man? Yep, my fault.

While some of the toddlers his age that we know can name every flashy cereal on the shelf, he likes to start his day with a nice warm bowl of oatmeal while thumbing through the paper. Somehow, that just don’t seem normal.

Before he was born, I was was told by new parents we know- all at least a decade and a half younger than me- that I’d better get used to unending replays of every Disney and Pixar ‘toon ever made.

I was worried, because not being too hip (is that still a word?) on pop culture, by the time I’ve even heard about the hottest new show or sitcom out there it’s either in syndication or featured on Nick at Night.

Boy’s favorite TV show? After dinner, which is around 4:30 (early bird special), he likes curl up on the sofa and watch “his programs”- Ozzie and Harriet, Andy Griffith, and if he’s feeling really crazy, Get Smart- not the movie from a few years back but the old Don Adams version.

I’m not sure if it’s funny or sad watching a toddler try and make a phone call with a wingtip.

When it’s time to get into a good movie, you’d think Cars, Toy Story, or Finding Nemo.

Nope.

Anyone remember Hatari? The John Wayne flick from ’62? Fifty years ago?

Yep- that’s his favorite. He likes to sing along with Red Buttons.

I know 30 year olds who don’t know who Red Buttons is.

No high tech toys for this one- no robots, flashing lights, or buzzers. His favorites are his big rubber ball, Wiffle ball and bat, and his new fave- an old school wooden truck.

His one and only techno vice is a small, kid’s version lap top computer, but I’m pretty sure he’s pretending it’s an old Underwood typewriter.

I’m afraid one day I’m going to come home from work and he’ll be sitting at the table with a highball, waist band up around his rib cage, playing canasta with his cronies from down at the senior center.

And to be honest, I’m not sure I want Harvey Jones hanging around my house that much.

The Simple Life

I haven’t been a bachelor for many years now, almost 18 actually, but for the past two weeks I’ve been flying solo after my family took a little trip the CA.

The past 14 days have reminded me, that while I love my family and miss them very much, the single life can be a much simpler life.

With that in mind, I would like to offer these few words of advice to any of the young fellas out there who might be thinking about leaving the comfort of their parents home and branching out on their own.

·      Making the bed- this is a highly over rated custom and completely unnecessary, especially if you make it a practice of falling asleep on the couch and/or recliner.

·      End tables and coffee tables- these pieces of furniture can be your best friend, especially end tables that are small enough to easily move around the room, yet large enough to cover Kool-Aid stains on rug that were caused when  falling asleep on couch to avoid making the bed.

·      Doing dishes- much like making the bed, highly over rated. I find that using one dish (or Marie Callender’s pie tins to be exact) really saves time in the kitchen. Use one dish, one fork, one plastic cup for every meal, and you only have three things to wash, therefore freeing up more time for sleeping on couch.

·      Cooking- much like the dishes issue, simple is better. Keep in mind, everything tastes better as a sandwich or rolled up in a tortilla, and when eaten directly over the sink, no need to break out the pie tin. And remember, popcorn is and always will be an entrêe.

·      Shopping- again, simple is better. I have a rule: don’t shop until the refrigerator is empty. This makes for some very creative meals. But a word of caution:  a spaghetti omelet is much better than it sounds, but a tuna, asparagus, and corn chip omelet- not so much.

·      Look before you eat- what APPEARS to be cottage cheese may not necessarily BE cottage cheese.

·      Laundry- again, very old and out of date customs aren’t always the best. The need to separate lights and darks doesn’t really come into play if you only where various shades of gray. Or better yet, multi colored Hawaiian shirts. If the colors bleed into each other, just say it’s part of the pattern.

So while the past two weeks have brought back to mind my simpler, younger, single days, I can’t wait to head down to Sky Harbor to pick up my wife and son.

But not before heading over to Goodwill for a couple extra end tables. 

1 for 3- good for baseball, not much else

Packing, unpacking, and procrastination.

I’m very good at one of these three, and for a batting average, that’s pretty good.

For trying to clean up clutter around the house? Not so hot.

There was a time in my life when I moved my residence six times in five years. In the course of those moves, I decided box up some stuff that I wanted, but really didn’t need close at hand- old books, photos, some old, outdated, but very sentimental camera gear.

I didn’t want to throw the stuff out, but didn’t really need close at hand.

That was in 1989.

Guess what I found last week?

Yep….and sadly, this was because I was unpacking from my last move…from June 2011.

A few months back, the city of Prescott opened up its time capsule, buried in 1962, and had some big to-do about it.

Looking over my personal time capsule, I don’t think anyone will be lining up to see my treasures, but for me it was a nice little trip down memory lane.

I now have a few Hot Wheels that my son will no doubt like playing with, and a few rusty pocket knives that he’s not quite ready for …yet.

What looks to be 300 yards or so of old 35 mm negatives.

Wish I had someway to look at them….oh, wait- a table top photo enlarger in box three.

The next box is what appears to be filled with old socks.

Further investigation? Several old lenses, wrapped up in old socks.

While I can’t really use the lenses for more than decoration, the socks have already been put to good use.

A mayonnaise jar filled with assorted screws, bolts, and washers. At one time, these must have been very important to me, but now, they fit nicely in their new home- the big trashcan next to the porch.

I found a photo album, carefully wrapped in a soft cloth, obviously something I didn’t want damaged.

The odd part? I don’t recognize a single person in any of the photos.

A small tin box filled with foreign coins-from places I’ve never been.

Also in the box? What look like poker chips, but are free drink chips- from places that unfortunately I have been to. I might hold on to these in case I’m ever back in Concord, CA and get thirsty.

A few hours into the project I discovered the most valuable thing I could ever find- time.

I decided to stop opening things and just chuck the whole mess, no doubt saving me several hours of the most valuable stuff on earth.

Broke and proud

I’ve spent the past few days reviewing budgets- not by choice mind you, but work related.

And by reviewing I mean staring the screen hoping my computer will crash before I finish.

For the most part, I’ve been a little lost since the dollar figures I’ve been looking at were in the five, six, and seven digits, and I’m used to looking at figures in the low fours- if you include after the decimal point.

It got me thinking about my own home budget, or if I’m going to be honest, the lack of one.

For sometime now, I’ve been in the “if there’s money in my wallet we ain’t broke” mode, but with a little fella in the house and me a lot closer to 50 than 30, I figured it’s way past time to start saving for a future I may never see.

Last week the paper down the highway ran an article stating that to raise a child these days, the bare bones cost is about $250,000, so how far away am I?

Lets take a look at my assets:

First stop- ashtray in van:

$1.98- 3 quarters, 8 dimes, 5 nickels and 18 pennies. Also 4 buttons that do not appear to go on anything I currently own or have ever owned in the past.

Sofa:

$.63- 1- quarter, 2 dimes, 3 nickels, and 3 pennies. And a cracker. I think it’s a cracker anyway, if Ritz makes a “fuzzy” flavor.

Laundry:

I’m always forgetting to take things out of my pocket before I throw them in the wash, so I decided to do a little excavating on the washing machine-

1- guitar pick (I don’t play), 1- comb (haven’t used one in years), six pennies, 1 dime, and something that looks like a turtle and I really hope it is not.

That puts me at a grand total of $2.77 with only $249,997.23 to go.

Anybody hiring three year olds?

He knows the alphabet.